I was asked a while ago to share what attributes I feel are important to being a mother. I am sharing this because I just came across it. If I had time to think about it and edit it, I probably would add some more stuff because what feels heavy on my heart changes from time to time. I don’t have that time right now and I just wanted to add something to my poor neglected blog, so this was my reply:
You probably think I have forgotten about this. I assure you that I have not. I keep thinking about it. I swear that as I am driving, cleaning, or trying to sleep my mind is filled with thoughts. The second I sit down to type it up, my mind is blank. The 5th kid did me in on all kinds of levels, but mostly he stole the last of my brain! I keep trying to turn my thoughts into attributes and that is really stumping me, so I am just going to list a few things I have learned as a mother. I’d like to make it known that even though I have learned these things, I have not come close at all to perfecting them. I don’t want to sound like a hypocrite!
Service. I never really understood how you love those that you serve and sacrifice for until I gave up my life, my body, my time, and my mind to my children. I would do it again in a second. Life is no longer about me. It’s about my kids. Everything is better as a mom. As a child, I would go to sleep super excited for Santa to come. As a teenager, I remember thinking Christmas had lost it’s magic. As a mother, Christmas is more exciting than ever. I LOVE preparing things for my children on Christmas Eve. Not all of the services I do are fun and rewarding like playing Santa, but when I keep my perspective in the right frame of mind, I can do all things cheerfully too. For example, I had to dig through Evie’s poop because she had swallowed a metal object. Previously, we thought she had something wrong with her heart, but when we found out she didn’t, I found myself rejoicing that ‘all’ I had to do was search in her poop for a foreign object. When I find myself angry and frustrated, I have to reset my thinking and remind myself of how lucky I am to be a mom. I had 2 miscarriages before I had Evelyn and I feared that I would never have the opportunity to bear children. I have to remind myself of that when I am pregnant or one the days when I want to run away from it all. Motherhood and service greatly mirror the atonement.
Love. One thing I have learned is that anything I do I must do in love. If I punish in anger, frustration, or duty, it is worthless. If I do it in love, I am more likely to do it well. If I clean with love, I am happy. If I change a diaper with love, my kids feel it. It’s such a simple concept, but I have to remind myself constantly. It’s always easier to keep myself thinking in love, when I take myself out of the picture. If I see a mess my kids made as more work for me, I am likely to be angry. If I try to remember what it is like to be a child, I am likely to kindly ask the kids to help me clean up. This is a struggle for me. I pray daily to have a charitable heart. I feel like if I could carry a Christ-like love in my heart, my kids will grow up feeling loved and secure. I want that for them SO bad. It is a gift and an honor to be a mother. I hope when I stand before my Savior I will be able to truly say that I did all I could to teach my children with love, preparing them to face the world and to love others too. I hope they will have open hearts and not feel forced into the gospel, but grateful to have it.
Limits. I believe it is important to set limits. Each mother has different ideas about where it is important to put those limits. For me, bedtime and naptime are essential to my survival. I know I can’t be nice past 7pm right now, so unless we are doing a special activity, I do not have any leniency with bedtime. I know I need a nap, even 20 minutes, to make it to 7pm. My kids must take a nap or have quiet time, for the good of us all. I understand that the evenings are the most busy and I must be on my game then. I love this talk that discusses ‘shifts’ which applies to my idea about limits: read here I also know that I need a girls night every now and then to keep my sanity. Women are social and need social interaction. It is important to not get side tracked, living and focusing only on fun, but the opposite extreme is also bad. I know I need to read a book every now and then. A book for me is like a mini vacation. I disappear into another world for a while and I feel refreshed after that.
Temple. It is important for mothers to attend the temple frequently to be spiritually fed. Also, the feeling I feel there is a feeling I want in my own home. It is easier for me to remember that feeling when I have recently felt it. I try to keep my home clean and organized so the spirit is easier to feel. I feel peaceful when my home is clean, like the temple. With 5 kids a clean house is not always possible, but if I am organized it is less work to get it clean, and there is less chaos when everything has a place.
Listening. This is hard for me because I love to talk and direct, but it is very important. I am also good a tuning out noise and not realizing someone is talking to me. A mother needs to listen to her children, leaders, and the spirit to be effective.
Revelation. Sometimes I try and try to figure out what a particular child needs or why they are acting out, and then I realize I never asked the Lord. He always knows and directs me. Usually, it is something so simple!
Consistency. Consistency makes everything easier. Kids know what to expect and are less likely to push boundaries. If I’m not consistent, how will they trust me? How will they know what the boundaries are? Of course they will test things even more when there is inconsistent results! Which leads me to…
Follow through. If I don’t follow through, there will be no trust. When it is really important, my kids won’t believe me because they won’t think I will follow through. I realized I need to work on this. The other day I told Ellie she was grounded and she said, “No I’m not. You will forget.”, in a sing song voice (remember brain gone). I know that consistency and follow through will also effect their belief in the gospel too. If I lack these things and they lose trust in me, they will be unable to believe what I say about the gospel. Also, if I don’t exhibit all that I believe, they won’t believe me when I bear my testimony of the gospel.
Repentance. I firmly believe that kids need to see their parents repent, so they will realize that repentance is a good thing and not be too proud to use this principle of the gospel (obviously serious sin might need to be kept private). It will help them see that everyone messes up some, and that it’s OK as long as you make it right and commit to do better. All parents mess up with their kids and need to seek repentance, apologizing to the child or children wronged. I think this is a good example of humility and it heals hurt. Repentance is not complete without this step and may teach incorrectly that this step may be skipped if it is ‘too hard’.
Anyhow, I could probably go on and on, but these are some of the things I have learned. I’m sorry this wasn’t exactly what you were looking for. I feel kind of weird writing all of this to you, an experienced mother with 3 lovely kids. Thank you for thinking of me. I am honored. I really loved taking the time to think on this. It helped me a lot.
I forgot to add that I think anything you need to know and didn’t learn, before you had kids, will be taught to you along the way (sometimes multiple times for slow learners, like me). Parenthood is kind of like the refiner’s fire! My kids make me want to be a better person. They inspire me!
Anyhow, here is my sweet lovins at 4 and a half months, eating his toes. 
It feels like this was yesterday! 
Please excuse the excess of pictures. I just can’t see enough of him! 
He’s really a skinny guy but I love his little rolls on his tummy. I think at this point he had long since made it into size 3 diapers, same as Evan. He was also wearing 6-12 month clothes, starting at 3 months! 
Here he is at 4 and half months still doing the swim motions on his tummy. 
He was disappointed at the lack of movement so he got himself up on his hands and knees. This is when I started crying and saying, “Why are you doing this to me? You are supposed to stay a baby for forever!” 
He ignored me and responded to all the people clapping at him and got up higher. 
Isn’t he adorable? 
I thought this picture was funny! Evelyn is wiping his slobber so I could get a slobber free picture. Her hand looks so little. She grown up so much this past year! Can you tell I’m super emotional tonight? 
The kids thought he was doing such a good job that they decided to see if he could sit up. I told them to stop ruining my baby, but they thought it was funny. And then I got all emotional, started crying, and told them I wasn’t joking! Ben kept encouraging them, but they did pause to ask why I care. I explained and they only kind of listened, typical!
Even with me not wanting my baby to grow up, I couldn’t help smile at how proud of himself he was. He just wouldn’t slow down. Good thing he’s a momma’s boy! 
You would have thought these two were his parents with how proud of him they were. 
Here he is playing the up/down game, Once There Was a Snowman, and Sunbeam with Daddy. Ben has done this with all of the kids and they LOVE it! Evelyn is getting too heavy now, but we have some great videos of chubby cheeks jiggling all over the place. 
I love the bumbo, but it did not work well for Emmett. He jumped out of it constantly.
He’s totally unfazed though.
Now it’s eating…I mean reading books time.
